It starts at a wedding.
No, really, it does. It's one of Jared's - cousin's? Second cousin's? - anyways, it was the fourth wedding that year and Jared was sick of making conversation about dresses and Jensen was in Texas so off they went. It turned out to be one of those pot-luck supper affairs and, after the incident with the small dog and the tablecloth, Jared's mom got both of them cleaning up in the kitchen. Jared said something, and Jensen said something crass and dirty right back at him, and Jared snapped his co-star square on the ass with a spare apron.
So that should have been it, right? Nothing unusual in the Jared and Jensen pony show?
Except that Jensen went faintly pink and shut up and Jared filed minor physical hazing (Jensen's ass) under score one Jared. Go team Padalecki!
That's where it might have stayed. Game over. Except Jensen staged a rearguard action - on camera - involving three Oreos on a piece of string and a joke about mice that really shouldn't have been as funny as it was. He rolled over howling with laughter when he saw Jared's face - and honest to God, it wasn't that funny - and his ass was right there, all perky and smug. Of its own accord, Jared's right hand snapped forward and hit Jensen right across the buns. So Jensen yelped and choked and put both his hands up in surrender so fast Jared only gave himself half a point, 'coz he'd hit on something there but he'd no idea what it was.
"Keep your big-ass paws to yourself, Jay," Jensen hissed. Off camera.
"Sure," Jared said. His fingers were still tingling.
Then there was the park. Doesn't matter which park. It was green, and there was music, and neither of them were working. Jensen was probably asleep, stretched out belly down on a rucked-up Dallas Cowboys towel. Jared was enjoying the sunshine, tapping his fingers to the band. Absently. On Jensen's ass. Sue him: Jensen's ass was as tight as a drum and just the right height. Also, Jared had sunglasses on and there was a really cute Labrador pup by the hot dog stand, so it was a few minutes before he realized Jensen was shifting under his hand. A slow, just perceptible rocking of his hips: his thighs in worn jeans spreading a couple of inches further apart. It was an offer Jared never expected to get in public.
It wasn't one he expected Jensen to make. "Jen?" Jared said, and stilled his fingers.
"Uh?" Sleepy, pink-cheeked, Jensen's face as he peered back over his shoulder was so cute Jared awarded himself two points out of hand for making it so.
"Like the music?" Jared said, grinning, palm still cupped fondly over warm, worn denim.
Jensen blinked back at him, upper brain not yet in gear and a careless, sensual swell to his mouth that said Jared was right about the lower. So when Jared slapped his hand down, short and sharp, it was meant to startle Jensen into waking up. Maybe go for beer or tacos or other appropriate manly pursuits. In a sports bar. Stop him staring in a way that tightened Jared's stomach and sent goose bumps over his skin. Because. Hey. Co-stars, right? Girls with cameras and youtube accounts?
Shock of it, though, went through Jensen like electricity Jared could feel. Closed the man's eyes, tightened every muscle from his thighs to his shoulders and, yeah, the strong tendons of his neck, strained, under sweat -
Pulling his hand back so fast he should by rights have got whiplash Jared stared blindly at the stage for a good five minutes until Jensen said carefully, "Beer?"
Jared docked himself five points for that one, which meant he was in arrears and measures would have to be taken.
On reflection, he took two back.
See, Jensen was older than Jared, and not just in years. He could walk all over Jared in the sophistication stakes, and sometimes it rankled. In a good way, because Jensen was awesome like that, and also, Jared really kind of liked the way Jensen laughed even if it was at his favorite shirts. Jensen seemed to know how to act, when there were times Jared thought one day Eric would realize he was just pretending and throw him off set. Knowing he could get Mr I-dated-a-porn-star (not that Jensen was talking) good and flustered with one swat of his hands - yeah. Jared's secret point-scoring weapon felt pretty damn good.
Also, Jared had a really big cock. Just saying. He got three points by default for that one. Thanks Dad.
So next time Jensen was uptight about about something - and Jared had tuned out just about the point when Jensen's eyes went all tight round the edges and his mouth tucked in at the corners - the solution was obvious. He spun Jensen round by the belt, upended him over the make-up counter and swotted him good and hard on his upturned behind. Bottles of icky stuff went everywhere. Dean's Judas Priest T-shirt never made it to screen. Jensen mewled like he was nearly coming and blushed red up the back of his neck and didn't say another word on the subject, and Jared was happy all day. One point for doing it, another for the way Jensen flushed every time Jared flexed his fingers. Yeah. Go Padalecki.
"What the fuck, Jay?" Jensen asked later, all pissed off and pretty.
Jared cracked his knuckles and grinned, and Jensen went bright pink and opened and closed his mouth like the fish in a Chinese restaurant. Awesome.
So... maybe Jared had a thing going with Jensen's ass. Something to do with the way it always seemed pleased to see him. Jensen might be five am grumpy, shadows under his eyes and nose in his coffee, but his ass was always bright and bubbly. So... maybe Jared did take to saying move along there with an occasional tap on the curve of it getting into the SUV. (No points. Jensen half asleep.) Or giving it an affectionate pat as it walked past on its way to the bar. (Half a point. Jensen whipped round and growled, but Jared's jeans were uncomfortably tight for the next three hours and that was a lot of cock to fit behind his zip.)
The day he got Jensen good with the catering tray Jared gave himself a whole point, then had to take off two. One for the bucket of water on his trailer door two hours after, so classic a prank it was cool all over again, and one for the really dirty thoughts about Sam's belt and Dean's ass he had later still. They were a family friendly show.
But just about the point in season six when Sara's subtext was practically canon - episode 16, the one where only one bed was slept in and Dean had KY in his bag? - Jared cracked. They were having one of those hissed discussions at the back of the print room that got nowhere, Jensen saying no, it's ok for me, I've already messed up, but you'll screw your career, man, and Jared saying who cares? and damn it, he'd bet fifty bucks Dean would be grinning at the motel clerk and asking for king-size in every damn state. And Jensen said, oh, can't Sammy buy his own Trojans? Which was below the belt 'coz it was Jared who did the last two late night lube runs.
So, yeah, that was the point where Jared sat down on the couch, yanked Jensen down flat by the seat of his jeans, and laid into him good and proper with the flat of his hand. He wasn't quiet. "If I want to show off my damn boyfriend on every red carpet in town, that's my choice." Jared said, and emphasized the point with a particularly effective slap right under the curve of Jensen's ass. "If I want to come out on National TV, my pick." Palm down, his right hand cracked off flesh with a satisfying thwack. Jensen was wriggling despite the hand Jared had on the back of his neck and really, the man should know by now he wasn't going anywhere. "So you take take your scruples and - " smack" - shove them up your ass. Which, by the way - " smack.
"Er, Jared?" Sara said.
" - did I make my point?" Jared asked. Under his touch, Jensen's ass was not warm but hot. Jensen himself was quivering, his hands clasped to his face.
"Think I gotcha," Sara said.
"Awesome," Jared said. He stood up, hefting Jensen with him, Jensen's thighs spread round his hips. Jensen had his head buried in Jared's shoulders. He'd got to the point where he was hiccuping with laughter and helpless with it, but his cock was hard against Jared's. "So me and my boyfriend, we'll be in my trailer for the next half hour." Jared said. "And if anyone wants to phone the National Enquirer, now's a good time." Half the set had crowded into the print room for the dailies. Most of them shook their heads.
"Your ass is mine," Jared said later, smug. Five points at least.
Jensen, said, "Ummph."
Jared, after all, did have a really big cock.